How Will You Measure Your Life

I got the book, How Will You Measure Your Life?, for Christmas and typical me...I liked it. Clayton Christensen is one of Jayce's man crushes and I have to say I quite admire him myself now.

The first quarter of the book was interesting but not totally grabbing me. Then I hit the part that set off all sorts of bells and whistles in my head.

I'm no business lady, but if I were I would be devouring his other stuff as well. In this book he used examples from the business world to illustrate key points about living a more meaningful life. It was really interesting to get the inside scoop on some major companies successes and failures.

His motivation to write this book spawned from his experience at his 10 year Harvard Business School reunion. Sadly, he found that a lot of his once eager and hopeful classmates were now unhappy. They were dealing with things like divorce, dissatisfaction with their jobs, poor relationships with kids, and even jail time for dishonest financial schemes. It made him wonder how so many had become so unhappy in just that ten year time frame.

Without summarizing every chapter of the book, here are some quotes/ideas that stuck with me.

1.) He talked about how true job satisfaction comes from having the right motivators. He defines things like pay, status on the company food chain, job security, and work conditions as "hygiene factors." We focus a lot on those and other related things about our jobs, but oddly enough they aren't what truly brings us happiness in our day to day work. "This is an important insight from Herzberg's research: if you instantly improve the hygiene factors of your job, you're not going to suddenly love it. At best, you just won't hate it anymore. The opposite of job dissatisfaction isn't job satisfaction, but rather an absence of job dissatisfaction" (pg. 33).

To make one's job fulfilling, you need motivators, which he describes as challenging work, recognition, responsibility, and personal growth. "Motivation is much less about external prodding or stimulation, and  much more about what's inside of you, and inside of your work" (pg. 34).

2.) Not surprisingly, the parts that struck the most chords with me were the ones that had his insights on our personal relationships, particularly on our families.

He describes one trap for poor familial relationships this way, "The logic is, for example, 'I can invest in my career during the early years when our children are small and parenting isn't as critical. When our children are a bit older and begin to be interested in things that adults are interested in, then I can lift my foot off my career accelerator. That's when I'll focus on my family.' Guess what. By that time the game is already over. An investment in a child needs to have been made long before then, to provide him with the tools he needs to survive life's challenges--even earlier than you might realize" (pg. 94).

That particular quote resonated with me because Jayce and I have said similar things about medical school, residency, and his military service after residency. "The kids will hardly even remember your crazy schedule." "Cameron will only be a pre-teen by the time all is said and done. We'll be settled by the time he's in high school and it all really counts." My kids could spend several hours in front of a screen every day if I really thought I needed that time to "get things done" using the same idea of, "They're only toddlers, I'll play with them when it really counts," as justification. (Don't worry mom friends, that's not totally knocking the act of turning something on occasionally to accomplish something you really need to do or even just for your sanity. I think you get my meaning.) It has just been a good reminder of the fact that my kids need Jayce and I now. They're not going to let us in when times are tough as a teenager if we haven't made investments in our relationships with them all along the way. We've had that in our minds, but it was good to resurface it and re-evaluate again.

He talks about the need to invest in our relationships all along the way a lot in the book, with children, spouses, and close friends. He points out why we can easily lose sight of that on pg. 73, "They prioritized things that gave them immediate returns--such as a promotion, a raise, or a bonus--rather than the things that require long-term work, the things that you won't see a return on for decades, like raising children." How true is that? Especially in our era, we want immediate returns. I know I'm guilty of that. It's easier to choose to invest our time in things that have quick pay offs. It takes more self-control and evaluation to make sure we're investing in things that matter most, even if you don't reap your reward quickly.

He says it well again on pg. 74, "Investing time and energy in these relationships doesn't offer them that same immediate sense of achievement that a fast-track career does. You can neglect your relationship with your spouse, and on a day-to-day basis, it doesn't seem as if things are deteriorating. Your spouse is still there when you get home every night. And kids find new ways to misbehave all the time. It's really not until twenty years down the road that you can put your hands on your hips and say, 'We raised good kids.'" (Or what is more haunting to think about for me, I don't want to be 20 years down the road and think, "Where was I?")


3.) I liked the reminders I got for my relationship with Jayce too. He had a whole section called "What job did you hire that milkshake for?" He explained the dilemma of a fast food chain that wanted to sell more milkshakes and couldn't figure out how to. They tried doing a survey asking customers if they wanted it chocolatier, chunkier, thicker, etc. Then they adjusted the shakes based on what the survey yielded, but they still didn't have an increase in sales after the adjustments. They were perplexed.

It wasn't until they realized the particular "jobs" people were hiring their milkshakes to do for them upon purchase that they were able to get the missing key to amping up their sales. For example, one of their major milkshake buying times was actually in the morning. Weird, right? They began talking to the people who came in for their early morning milkshake and learned that most of them had long commutes and preferred a milkshake to sip on to get them through the drive. Bagels were too dry and annoying to spread cream cheese on while driving, donuts were too crumbly, and other drinks were finished too quickly during the drive. They liked that a thick milkshake could last the whole time because it took longer to sip and it was filling. Once they understood what job people expected from their milkshakes, they could better decide how to tweak things to increase sales from that morning crowd. (Make it thicker, make a larger size, thinner straw, etc.) It gave them a much better spring board.

So how does this apply to my Jayce Face? (Besides the fact that I really want to go pick us up some milkshakes after the kids are in bed now.) Well, what job has Jayce hired me for as his companion? It's pretty much like learning your spouse's love languages, but I liked this different way to view it. I'm hoping to sit down and really think through that question soon and see where my holes are.

I also liked this thought, "...I deeply believe that the path to happiness in a relationship is not just about finding someone who you think is going to make you happy. Rather, the reverse is equally true: the path to happiness is about finding someone who you want to make happy, someone whose happiness is worth devoting yourself to" (pg. 115). So good, right?



Is this long enough yet? Sorry, I told you I need a book group. I also just need help in general, so that's why I like reading books that keep me on track!


4.) I liked some other food for thought he gave me on parenting. The quotes speak for themselves, so here they are:

"At the time of this writing and for the first time in modern economics, unemployment among young men is higher than almost any other group in America and, indeed, this is true of many developed countries around the world....I worry that an entire generation has reached adulthood without the capabilities--particularly the processes--that translate into employment. We have outsourced the work from our homes, and we've allowed the vacuum to be filled with activities that don't challenge or engage our kids. By sheltering children from the problems that arise in life, we have inadvertently denied this generation the ability to develop the processes and priorities it needs to succeed. I'm not advocating throwing kids straight into the deep end to see whether they can swim. Instead, it's a case of starting early to find simple problems for them to solve on their own, problems that can help them build their processes--and a healthy self-esteem" (pg. 134).

• "You have your children's best interests at heart when you provide them with resources...You can compare with your neighbors and friends how many activities your child is involved in, what instruments he is learning, what sports she is playing. It's easy to measure and it makes you feel good. But too much of this loving gesture can actually undermine their becoming the adults you want them to be. Children need to do more than learn new skills. The theory of capabilities suggests they need to be challenged. They need to solve hard problems. They need to develop values. When you find yourself providing more and more experiences that are not giving children an opportunity to be deeply engaged, you are not equipping them with the processes they need to succeed in the future" (pg. 139).

• "The natural tendency of many parents is to focus entirely on building your child's resume: good grades, sports successes, and so on. It would be a mistake, however, to neglect the courses your children need to equip them for the future. Once you have that figured out, work backward: find the right experiences to help them build the skills they'll need to succeed. It's one of the greatest gifts you can give them" (pg. 157).

• One more on parenting, he brings up Theseus's ship. Theseus was a Greek guy who did something great. I wish I knew the story so that I could sound really smart, but I just don't have the time to look him up right now. :-) Anyways, to honor him the Greek's kept his ship afloat in a harbor. Over time they needed to replace things on the ship that were worn out until it was realized that there was nothing original on the ship anymore, yet it was still called "Theseus's ship." But if nothing on it was there when Theseus sailed was it really his ship? I don't want to look back thirty years from now and realize I outsourced all of my parenting to other coaches, teachers, leaders, or friends at school. If I'm outsourcing their learning of values, work ethic, self-worth, etc. then who might they turn into and whose kids are they?

He wasn't preaching that kids need to be either at school or at home working with the family leaving zero time for developing talents and hobbies. He just made a really good case for thinking critically before signing your kids up for everything under the sun.

4.) Last, but not in any way least I loved how strongly he pushed for people to develop their own life purpose. Reading his experience with that was worth reading the entire book. It has been really motivating for me to follow his pattern. You'll have to read to find out. ;-)

• "The type of person you want to become--what the purpose of your life is-is too important to leave to chance. It needs to be deliberately conceived, chosen, and managed. The opportunities and challenges in your life that allow you to become that person will, by their very nature, be emergent" (pg. 197).

You can see at what point all the bells and whistles started going off. :-)