And just like that, Cameron's in Kindergarten.

Cameron started Kindergarten.

*heart squeeze*

I had been flip-flopping about what to do for Cameron's schooling this year for a while, but increasingly so after we found out where we were moving last March. Home schooling, public school, is there a charter school, what are these Christian academies like, etc. So many things to think about and all of it so new. It's the lot of the first child. The guinea pig. And may he be ever so forgiving of us when he's older.

It's safe to say I was more anxious than Cameron about the first day of school, although back to school night was really comforting. Meeting his teacher and seeing how kind and competent she was, seeing a nice classroom full of opportunities for him to learn and grow, and seeing him soak it in with surprising confidence was great for me.

I felt ready to send him to school.

And then he woke up sick!

This is how Cameron spent his first day of school.

Some anxiousness returned. He's missing the day they go over all of the class rules! He's missing all of the first day getting-to-know-you games! He's missing the introduction to the structure of his time at school! Everyone in his class will be a seasoned Kindergartener by the end of the day and he'll be new to all of it tomorrow! You know, parent brain stuff.

He just needed the one day to get better thankfully and he was just as excited to be going to school for the first time on the second day of school.

It ended up being the perfect first day of school, at least for Mom and Dad. Jayce wasn't working until later that day and since my mom was visiting Jayce and I could walk him to school, just the three of us. It was perfect.

He was timid at the door, but then bravely walked into the room all by himself. He put his things away, came and gave us hugs at the door, and then we left. 

And then we cried. As we walked by the car drop off Jayce's mantra was, "Hold it together, hold it together, hold it together!" Then he put his arm around me and we both absorbed the fact that we had just ended a chapter of our parenthood.

As parents we hear all the time, "Enjoy it because before you know it, it's over!" It's not always the most welcome reminder when you feel like you are neck deep in toddler-hood, but I do try to remember it because I know one day I'll be on the other side of this time feeling the need to tell mothers like me the same exact thing.

Like now. Cameron is in school. I will never get back his toddler years at home. They're gone. 

Before I sound really depressing, let me clarify that I look back on his years at home with so much happiness and I look towards his future in this next phase with so much excitement. It's hard to end something that has been great, but exciting to step forward into the unknown.

So much of parenthood is like this. It hit me again a couple of weeks after the first day when he walked into the school and to his classroom by himself for the first time. The way his school is set up he walks into one main building and then outside for a moment before entering another building where his class is. I'll never forget watching him in his yellow t-rex shirt with his jean shorts and brown shoes, hair combed over waving to me from the other side of the fence with a look that could only mean he was bursting with pride that he could walk in and find his classroom all by himself. 

I had to try not to cry again walking passed the car line, because twice in one school year would be just beyond embarrassing. But it felt like he was a kite with a dozen strings grounding him to me and I had just cut one of the strings. Of course I want him to fly free one day, but it's still hard to know he has one less string that needs my stability. Then "Homeward Bound" started playing in my head and I was a goner! Kids.