East Coast Bound

I have to admit, the two days leading up to my trip back east were full of more anxiety than excitement. At one point I thought I would cancel the trip. What?! That's what being a worrisome parent will do to you I guess.

Peace came though, as it always does, when I thought about the eternal perspective and what Christ has made possible. I'd leave my family in faith that they would be okay, I wouldn't cancel my trip out of fear for theirs or my own well-being.

The irony is that five months ago when I was in the thick of what I've warmly named my "dark days" I told Jayce several times that I just wanted to go somewhere until I missed the kids. I just wanted to miss them for a little bit. Does that sound absolutely awful or what? I promise I love them with my whole soul. When you're in the trenches of motherhood the whole "distance makes the heart grow fonder" thing can really be beneficial though. I was needing some time to zoom out to see the beauty in my life.

Last month Jayce realized he had a gap in his schedule thanks to the rotation that he's in right now and kind of shoved me out the door to go visit home for five days. Except I realized as I was waiting at Salt Lake Airport for my flight that it was the first time I didn't feel like I was "going home" and I think that's because Jayce and the boys weren't sitting next to me. I was leaving huge chunks of my heart in Utah and home really is where the heart is. I was already missing them before the vacation began.

Besides the last ten minutes of my first flight when I was trying hard to focus on not throwing up (I can't believe I thought planes were the best ever when I was a kid) the flights were seamless and enjoyable. I slept a little and I listened to plenty of podcasts that I had previously downloaded. I felt so good on the second flight that I even started reading a book (enjoyably reading in an environment where I'm prone to motion sickness is AMAAAAZZZING). It's called I Never Meant to Be A Witch, perfect for me right now. :-)

And of course, there were the clouds. Oh my goodness, the clouds. I wanted to jump from the plane and just let them hold me for a while.




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